And Thou Shalt Be First
by saiyanwizard
Summary: The war for the wizarding world has ended, but one wizard has been cast into the shadows, still broken and in pain. He who was considered last in everything must now be put first, not only for his sake, but also for the sake of those who still care. AU
1. Chapter 1

**Summary:** The war for the wizarding world has ended, but one wizard has been cast into the shadows, still broken and in pain. He who was considered last in everything must now be put first, not only for his sake, but also for the sake of those who still care. May contain spoilers. AU as of HBP.

**Disclaimer:** All wizards, Muggles, magical creatures, magical places, and everything else out of the Harry Potter series was created and is owned by J.K. Rowling. I claim no ownership to any of the series' content, and I am making no profit in the writing of this fan fiction.

Hey guys, I'm back!

I can't believe that this is my fifteenth story (my fifth that is multi-chaptered)…it's crazy. Three years ago, I never thought that I would get this far. It's all thanks to you wonderful readers! I never would have gotten here if it wasn't for your reviews and encouragement. Thank you so much!

Just as an update (because it pains me to say that I haven't updated _anything_ for over a year now), I have not given up on _Before the Order_. I have one more chapter to go, and I really do not want to disappoint everyone that has waited patiently for me to get a move on. I want the ending to be what it should be, so please be patient with me. Also, in addition to having worked on this story, I've been working on a story involving Severus and Lily. That's all I'll say for now, but I do hope that you will check it out once I post it.

Anyway, if I'm quite honest, I've always wanted to do a story like this. There was a bit of this kind of element introduced in _A Blissful Sleep,_ _The Easter Holiday, If You Need Me, Mental Cruciatus,_ and _The Side Effect, _but I don't feel as if any of those stories really centered on Severus' healing at the level I wanted. I really want to focus on just Severus for this one and let Albus and Minerva's romance step down for a while…but only for a bit…

I hope you all enjoy!

saiyanwizardgurl

Chapter 1: Another Chance

"How is Severus?"

"I'm not sure."

"Why not?"

"I haven't seen Severus in weeks."

"Then you should go down to see him."

The war was over. The boy Tom Riddle that had transformed himself into the Dark wizard Lord Voldemort no longer plagued the magical world. Society had returned to normal. Or, at least, as normal as it could after such massive devastation. Wizards and witches everywhere were trying to mend their broken homes, their broken families, their broken lives. Hogwarts and its residents were no exception. Much of the fighting at the end of the war between the Order of the Phoenix and the Death Eaters had taken place at the school, and the upper half of the student body was now considerably smaller because so many of them had chosen to take a stand for the Light. Countless others had been wounded and sent to St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries, among them the wizard currently up for discussion.

Prior to his release from the hospital, Severus Snape had resigned as Potions Master of Hogwarts. Since the curse on the Defense Against the Dark Arts position had finally been lifted, the headmaster had offered him the post as an alternative, and the younger wizard had turned the job down flat. Albus Dumbledore had never been so surprised in all of his long life. It was no secret that Snape had always wanted the position; the fact that the man had applied every year since he began teaching proved it. But the headmaster had sensed from the wizard an exhaustion that was more than just physical. He dismissed the pang of sadness that had pricked at his heart; maybe Snape was just tired of teaching.

In addition to offering him another job, Dumbledore had also inquired as to where the younger wizard would then go now that he was giving up instructing.

"_Where will you go, then? Spinner's End?"_

"_No. I do not think that I could ever return to that house. There are too many things that I would be reminded of. Things I never want to have to remember. Things I never want to think about again. I would like to remain at Hogwarts, but I would be too much of an imposition."_

"_Nonsense, Severus. There will always be a place for you at Hogwarts."_

"_My quarters will be needed for whoever is to replace me. Besides, I've hurt too many people there for them to want to be in such close contact with me."_

A solution to this problem had come up almost instantly. Two days later, Hagrid had come up to the headmaster's office and informed Dumbledore that he wanted to spend a few years in France with Madame Maxime while she recovered from her injuries. The headmaster explained the situation regarding Snape, and the gamekeeper was more than willing to let the former Potions Master use his now empty cabin. Dumbledore told the younger wizard at once, and Snape accepted the offer gratefully. Since he had moved in, however, no one had ever seen him. The only thing that left the house was the occasional wisps of smoke from the chimney. Snape had shut himself away from the rest of wizarding society, and he showed no sign of letting up.

"I do not think I should."

"But why not, Albus?"

"After he checked out of St. Mungo's, Severus was bombarded with another group of reporters. They threw question after question at him, and they would not cease until I stopped them. When they quieted, he only said one thing. 'I just want to be left alone.' And then he walked out. I was quite surprised when none of the reporters followed him. I did not catch up to him until I had Apparated outside the grounds. He was going into Hagrid's, or rather his, cabin. I tried to talk to him, but all he said was 'I'm sorry, but I just need to be alone for awhile.' He looked so defeated, so tired, so weak. I do not know why, but I just could not bring myself to stop him, to further invade his privacy. You know that Severus is a very private person, and I think the end of the war just pushed him over the edge."

"But surely he did not want you to stay away forever?"

"I just don't know, Minerva."

"Albus," said the Transfigurations teacher softly. The headmaster turned around. "Of all the witches and wizards I know, Severus trusts no one more than he trusts you. If anyone can help him now, it is you. He may be secretive, but I think that he gets lonely too often. I know that he was always happy when he was with you."

"Will you come with me?"

"I think not. At least not for this first time. I know that Severus and I shared trust, but what he needs now is someone to be there for him. I think he would prefer if he saw you – just you – first. If he wants me to visit with you in the future, I will, of course, go with you. Because I want to see him also."

"I don't know – "

"Just go down to him, Albus. Knowing Severus, the worst thing he could do is slam the door in your face."

"That's very comforting, Minerva."

"Isn't it just? But also, knowing Severus, I think he will let you in. He will want to know how you are doing."

"I suppose you are right, my dear."

The Transfigurations teacher smiled. "Of course I am right. And if you leave now, you'll be just in time for afternoon tea."

………………………………

Dumbledore found himself walking down the school's lawn much earlier than he expected. The grounds felt so empty during the summer. There were no students to trample on the green grass, no infectious shouts of laughter to brighten the atmosphere. _I suppose that Severus is grateful, at least._ The headmaster smiled as he approached the familiar structure that was now Snape's cabin. _Well, Minerva_, thought Dumbledore, _let's just hope that you are right._

The headmaster knocked on the front door and waited for a response. When none came, he lifted his hand to knock again. "I'll give you fair warning. If you are a reporter from the _Daily Prophet_, go away."

Dumbledore let his arm drop. "And if I am not?"

Silence. And then a sudden flurry of footsteps. The door swung open, and in the frame stood a thin wizard clad in what looked like pajama bottoms and a dressing gown. "Headmaster?"

"Good afternoon, Severus," said Dumbledore. "It has been a while."

More silence. "I know. I'm sorry."

"There's no need to apologize. I understand that you have been under a lot of strain as of late."

Snape hesitated before saying, "Would you care to join me for a cup of tea?"

The headmaster smiled. "I would love to."

The younger wizard stepped aside to let Dumbledore pass. In almost an instant, the headmaster was seated and had a steaming cup in his hands. "I'm sorry that – "

"Severus," said the older wizard, putting up a hand, "I said that you have no need to apologize. Now sit down and tell me how you've been."

He sat across from him. "I've been fine, I suppose."

"You suppose?"

"Some days are better than others. I've managed to evade a majority of the reporters, I've gotten some rest, and I've done quite a bit of reading."

"Ah, yes, all of those things are very good. But I trust that I am correct in thinking that you have been quite alone for the past five weeks?"

"I haven't had any visitors. The _Prophet_ reporters don't count."

"None at all?"

"You are the first."

"Because you wanted to see me or because you felt obligated to?"

Snape paused. "Because I wanted to see you. I was wondering if you were angry with my."

"Why would you think that?"

"Because I resigned," he said, his gaze shifting to the table. "And I turned down you offer." The headmaster noticed that the younger wizard drew his arms protectively around his torso.

"Severus," said Dumbledore softly. Snape looked up. "I will never get mad at you for making a decision like that. There will always be a place for you on the Hogwarts teaching staff should you choose to rejoin."

The younger wizard smiled slightly. "Thank you, sir."

"There's no need for such formalities. I am already aware of my extraordinary age. The students already succeed at reminding me of how old I am, so I would prefer if you addressed me by my given first name."

"You're not old, Albus," said Snape softly. "You have youthfulness that wizards less than a third of your age could only dream of having."

"You are too kind to this old man."

"And you are too kind to this Death Eater – "

"Might I remind you that said _former_ Death Eater has redeemed himself in the eyes of the public?"

"The Ministry, you mean. The public still hates me."

"Does their opinion hold such a high place in your conscience?"

"Usually."

"Do not worry about what people think. It is not worth your consideration."

"What do you think?"

"About what?"

"Me. What do you think of me?"

The headmaster smiled sadly. "I think that you have done more than your share to help bring peace back to our world. I think that you have suffered much for people you do not know or particularly care about. I think that I am at fault for much of your pain, and I am sorry that you had to do some of the things I asked you to do. And I don't think that I have ever properly thanked you for sacrificing yourself, so thank you, Severus. Thank you for everything. Thank you for giving us another chance to save our world. And thank you for giving our students hope for a future."

The younger wizard smiled softly. "You are quite welcome, Albus. And thank you. It means a lot to me to hear you say that. Those words would not have any meaning for me if someone else were to speak them. Well…"

"Well what?"

"There are a few others who could say those words to me and truly mean them."

"Like who?"

"Hagrid, I suppose. And as much as I detest the idea, Lupin is quite sincere. Flitwick, too. And maybe Sprout. And Minerva. She is the closest person to me after you. She has some understanding of…what went on throughout the war.

"Speaking of Minerva, she wants to see you, too. Minerva misses you, and she has requested to accompany me when I visit you if you do not mind."

The other man allowed the smallest of smiles to play across his face. "I would like that very much," said the younger wizard softly.

Their conversation was cut short by a knock at the door. "Excuse me, Mr. Snape," said a rather loud, booming voice. The former Potions Master winced. "My name is Sylvester Martinus, and I'm here to interview you for the _Daily Prophet_." The headmaster raised his eyebrow and glanced at the other wizard. Snape put a hand to his temple and closed his eyes, shaking his head in disbelief. He sighed and made to stand, but Dumbledore put a hand on his shoulder so that he would remain seated. The older wizard rose and opened the door so that Snape would be blocked from the reporter's view.

The headmaster thought that he had gone blind when a sudden burst of white was all he could see. It took him a few moments to realize that his temporary loss of vision was due to the flash of a camera. "Oh, Headmaster Dumbledore!" exclaimed the _Daily Prophet _reporter. "So sorry! Is Mr. Snape in? I am supposed to interview him."

"He is," said the older wizard as he tried to clear the spots from his sight, "but he is unavailable at the present time. Severus is still recovering from his injuries, and he is resting right now."

"Oh, I see. Do you know when he will be available?"

"I'm not sure. If you want to schedule a time with him, you should submit a written request, I think."

"All right," said the reporter dejectedly. "I hope he gets better soon; the _Prophet_ has wanted an interview with him for weeks."

"Yes, well, I'm sure you will get your chance soon enough," said Dumbledore. "Good day."

The headmaster watched the other wizard begin to trek down to the edge of the grounds before shutting the cabin door. He remained standing with his hand on the wood until Snape broke the silence. "Thank you, Albus," he said softly. "I do not think I could have handled that at the moment."

"I know," said Dumbledore, retaking his seat at the table. He sipped his tea. "Do they come often?"

"About four times a week."

"I see. Now Severus, I of course have no doubts in you abilities as a wizard, but I think you need protection from all of these reporters." He took another sip of tea, his eyes twinkling. "I for one believe that Poppy would be most displeased if you were not recovering in peace. She would probably insist that you be brought under her care."

"Oh Merlin!" said the other wizard, tilting his head back against the top of his chair. "I do not think that I could handle that either."

"Then I think Minerva and I will be visiting often in order to ensure that you are left alone."

Snape closed his eyes, smiling slightly. "I think I might be able to handle that."

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Thank you so much for taking the time to read my story! Please review! I really appreciate it!

And just as a side note for all those who have been wondering where the heck I've been, I blame my absence on dance, college, work, family time, eating, sleeping, and all of the other facets of my life. This is the first day in quite a while (maybe since I last posted, even) where I have nothing that I really need to do, nowhere that I really need to go, and no one that I really need to meet. I hope I will be able to plug myself back into my writing a bit more so that I can complete what I have already started and start some new things :).


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** Even after ten years of faithful support, the Harry Potter series is not mine. It still belongs to the wonderful J.K. Rowling. However, Flinky the house elf is entirely my creation. I love her :).

_Hey guys!_

_Thanks so much to all of you who have read and reviewed! I'm glad that there are still people out there that are willing to do so :)._

_Just as a heads up, my next update may take a bit longer. Before you throw any furniture, though, I have a bit of a consolation gift. I am aiming to post my Severus/Lily story for Severus' birthday (January 9th). Hopefully you'll find interest in that. If not, I apologize in advance._

_saiyanwizardgurl_

Chapter 2: Dreamless Sleep Potions and Well-Educated House-Elves

"Are you quite sure that he isn't busy right now?" asked Minerva McGonagall timidly.

"Of course not, my dear," replied Albus Dumbledore happily as the two made their way through the entrance hall. "I'm sure Severus will be delighted to see you."

"Delighted?"

"Well, maybe not delighted per se, but as delighted as he can be."

"So just a bit more enthusiastic than apathetic?"

"Be nice, Minerva. It's a lovely day, isn't it?" he commented as the large oak front doors swung open.

"It is."

"Remind me later that we should take Severus out for some fresh air if he feels up to it. He could do with some color in his cheeks."

"You know he doesn't like the sun. He prefers the dark."

"Yes, but he can't stay cooped up for the rest of his life. He has to come out sometime."

"But what if he gets angry? You know what he's like."

"I don't imagine he will, Minerva. He's actually been quite lonely, I think. He doesn't get much company."

"I thought you said that he's been bombarded with reporters?"

"Oh, Merlin, he has, but you cannot really consider them company. No, Severus needs to be with people who are on his level intellectually, witches and wizards that can keep up with what he says."

"I'm beginning to understand just why he hates teaching so much."

"Indeed. His knowledge qualifies him to teach higher level classes rather than lower ones, but there is no one else on the staff that can teach Potions."

"Perhaps you could convince him to teach the N.E.W.T. students; I'm sure he wouldn't mind as long as they all get an 'Outstanding' on their O.W.L.s."

"When he's ready to teach again, he will be the first person I ask."

"And since the curse has been lifted, I would also consider him for the Defense post. Merlin knows he has enough experience for the job. And, seeing as the war is over, there isn't such a dire need for students to learn to defend themselves so quickly."

"Severus would be delighted."

"As long as he gets the best."

"I'm sure we could arrange that."

The two finally reached the small stone cabin, which appeared to be deserted. There was no smoke emitting from the chimney and the windows were dark. "Is he even here, Albus?"

"Oh, I'm sure he is. He told me that he did not have any plans. Like you said, he prefers the dark."

Dumbledore climbed the steps and knocked on the wooden door. Nothing. He knocked again. "Go away."

The headmaster's eyebrows furrowed. "Severus? It's me."

A moment of silence. "Just you?"

"Minerva is with me."

Hurried footsteps grew steadily louder as the cabin's occupant approached the entrance. The door opened so that they could see an eye peek out. "Get in, quickly."

Dumbledore and McGonagall slid through the small opening in the entrance. As the door snapped shut, they were engulfed in darkness. "My goodness, Severus," said the headmaster. "I don't know how you managed to make it to the door without tripping." The older wizard waved his wand towards the area where he knew the fireplace to be, and in seconds, a roaring fire was in the grate.

They both saw Snape visibly wince as the brightness met his eyes. "No need to go overboard, Albus," said the Transfigurations teacher lightly. "It will be boiling in here soon with such a blaze." She waved her wand and the fire was reduced to a dim glow.

"Thank you, Minerva," murmured the former Potions Master wearily. He had dropped unceremoniously into a chair at the table and was leaning back with his eyes closed.

"Are you all right, Severus?" asked Dumbledore. "We didn't wake you, did we?"

"It's just a headache," he said, rubbing his eyes. "It happens sometimes."

"Are you sure you're all right?" asked McGonagall.

"Quite. I just need to lie down," he said.

"Then go ahead. Don't let us bother you," said the headmaster.

"No, I can wait until you take your leave."

"Are you trying to get rid of us, Severus?" asked the Deputy headmistress. A small smile graced the younger wizard's features; even though his eyes were closed, he could hear the distinct severity in her voice and knew that she had raised her eyebrows.

"Not at all. You know I enjoy your company."

"Then why don't you rest?" she said. "We won't mind."

"I really can wait – "

"Nonsense!" she insisted. "You should lie down."

"Come now, Severus, you know that you've lost this battle," said Dumbledore. Snape could hear the smile in his voice and knew his eyes were twinkling. "Do you want us to leave?"

He sighed and stood. "No," he said, walking over to the bed and lying down. "He might come back."

"Who?"

"That idiot from the _Prophet_, Martinus."

"He's still at it?"

"Apparently so. He was knocking on my door early this morning. It was fortunate that I had not yet lit the fire. He gave up after about an hour."

"Have they considered sending in questions to you?" asked the Transfigurations teacher, crossing her arms.

"You know them; they always want a _live_ interview. It makes for a better story, supposedly."

"But surely they know that you're still recovering from your injuries?" she asked.

"They've never been considerate of that," said Dumbledore softly. "They know that Severus has already checked out of St. Mungo's, so they automatically assume that he's okay to talk about everything."

"That's just nonsense!" said McGonagall.

"It is, but as long as there aren't any Healers to stop them, as long as all physical wounds have mended or are mending, they feel that they have the authority to interview," said the headmaster sadly.

"They choose to ignore the fact that not all wounds are on the surface," said the younger wizard.

"How dare they? We won't let them do that to you!" said the Transfigurations teacher indignantly.

"Thank you," said Snape, "because I don't think I could handle it."

"I'm sure – "

"I feel so _tired_," he mumbled, closing his eyes. "Not just now, though. _All the time_. I can't shake off the feeling, no matter how much I sleep."

"How much _do_ you sleep, Severus?" asked Dumbledore.

"I don't know." He sighed. "Sometimes I can't sleep at all."

"Severus – "

"But then there's times when I fall asleep and wake up to find that I have slept for two or three days."

By this time, both the headmaster and the Transfigurations teacher had identical looks of concern on their faces. "Severus – " began McGonagall.

"Before you say it, yes, I do know that I am a Potions Master capable of brewing Dreamless Sleep Potions, the Draught of Living Death, and everything in between. I know the recipes for Regulatory Rest Potions and Healing Sleep Draughts. But prolonged dependence on such things produced addiction. It was hard enough getting me off that stuff the first time."

"The first time?" asked the Transfigurations teacher.

"You didn't tell her?" asked Snape, who looked at the headmaster with surprise.

"I didn't think that I would need to," said Dumbledore. "You see, Minerva," he said to his Deputy and wife, "this is obviously not the first time that Severus has had trouble sleeping. After the first war, he was taking potions every night in order to make it through with a decent amount of rest. The problem with prolonged usage is that the body becomes less responsive to natural stimuli and impulse. If you get the body used to sleeping by means of potions, it will be difficult for one to fall asleep without them. Increase dependence requires a higher dosage, which, of course, leads to addiction. As the body becomes less inclined to natural sleep, other functions tend to weaken or shut down, most commonly appetite."

"So that's why you're so thin," said McGonagall. "My goodness, Severus, how were you able to revert back to natural sleep?"

At this, the younger wizard chuckled. "Albus nursed me back to health. It took weeks. He made sure that I ate and watched over my sleep. And, knowing the old codger, I'm sure he loved every minute of it."

"That's right, I did," said the headmaster, the twinkle in his eye even more evident. "And I would not hesitate to do so again," he said with a slightly more serious tone.

"And I would not hesitate to help you as well," said the Transfigurations teacher. "You know that, Severus."

"I do know," he said, smiling slightly.

"Well, now is as good a time as ever to start," said Dumbledore pleasantly. "Have you had lunch yet, Severus?"

Before Snape could answer, his stomach did. "Apparently not," said the younger wizard, blushing slightly.

"I thought so," said the headmaster. "Flinky?"

With a small _pop_, a house-elf appeared. She had dark hair, pale skin, a pointed nose, and large, round, honey-colored eyes. "What may I do for you, Professor Dumbledore?" she asked politely in a small, gentle voice.

"Could you please bring Severus, Minerva, and me some lunch?" he asked kindly.

"Of course," she said, curtseying to all three of them before disappearing to the kitchens.

"I've always marveled at the fact that her English is so proper," said McGonagall.

"I've always been astounded at the fact that the rest of the house-elf population at Hogwarts is incapable of speaking an octave below a squeaky soprano," said Snape.

The other two laughed. "I can have her stay down here as your assistant if you like, Severus," said Dumbledore.

"Are you implying that I am incapable of taking care of myself?" asked the younger wizard incredulously.

"Certainly not, Severus," replied the headmaster. "All three of us present know that you are more than capable of just that."

"But it's always nice to have help," said the Transfigurations teacher.

"Besides," continued Dumbledore, "I know that she has a bit of a soft spot for you. I'm sure she would be more than happy to help you."

"I don't think I would be able to handle three mother hens," said Snape. "Especially with you two threatening me with Poppy every time I don't cooperate. That makes four hens."

"We're not that bad," said McGonagall. "We all know that you like the attention."

"Touché."

"I am back," said Flinky softly, ushering in a large tray. "I hope you will find this suitable."

"Oh yes, it's lovely," said the headmaster, spotting a plate of lemon bars.

"Please do not hesitate to call if you need anything else," said the house-elf before disappearing with a small _pop._

"Not yet," said the Transfigurations teacher as she spotted Dumbledore eyeing the lemon bars.

"I know, I know. I can wait…a little. Come to the table, Severus."

The younger wizard sighed, his eyes still closed. "Do I have to?"

"Yes," said the other two in unison.

Snape swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood. He shuffled over to the table and positioned himself unceremoniously at the table with the other two on either side of him. "What do we have?"

"Chicken pie, pumpkin juice, and lemon bars," announced the witch. "And don't think we'll let you get away without eating your entire portion."

"I _know_, Minerva," said Snape grumpily. "I happen to like food."

"Your body suggests otherwise," she replied.

"I _apologize_ for my lack of effort," he sneered, pulling a plate of pie towards him. "Rest assured that I will do my best to meet your _standards_."

"Better our standards than Poppy's," said the headmaster merrily, putting a forkful of chicken and vegetables in his mouth. "You'd never hear the end of it if we allowed her into this little group."

"Okay, I'm eating, I'm eating!" said the younger wizard as he began his attack on the food.

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Yay, you made it to the end! I would be really grateful if you reviewed and let me know what you think!


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **Alas, I still do not own Harry Potter.

_Hello all!_

_So it's been a while since I've updated. Not quite a year like before, but I was hoping to get this out sooner than I did. But, as it often does, life took over…_

_I was rehearsing everyday for a show for the first three weeks in January. During that time, my grandfather passed away, so my dad had to go up to New York to take care of things. He got sick in the last couple days of his trip, and when he came back to Hawaii, he went to the doctor. The doctor sent him to the emergency room, and he stayed in the hospital for a few days. Fortunately, he is out of the hospital and doing better :)._

_Thank you so much to all of you who have reviewed this story and my other works. I really appreciate your encouragement! Also, thank you to __**Iva1201 **__for spotting an inconsistency in this chapter with chapter 7! I have fixed it (I hope ;p)._

_I hope you all enjoy this chapter!_

_saiyanwizardgurl_

Chapter 3: Journey to the Outside World

"It's such a beautiful day outside," mused Minerva McGonagall as she pulled back and peeked through the window's curtains. A few slivers of sunshine crept into the dank cabin.

"That it is," replied Albus Dumbledore, twiddling his thumbs. "Nice and sunny."

"I know what you're trying to do," said Severus Snape, pushing his empty plate to the center of the table. He was very content. His stomach was full, but not too full. The air in the cabin was warm, but not too warm. At the moment things were, for lack of a better term, perfect.

"Oh, and what would that be?" asked the Transfigurations teacher, doing her best to sound oblivious. She would have been rather convincing if Snape had not been her colleague for the past seventeen years.

"You want me to go _outside_," he said with a sigh. "You want me to get some _fresh air_. Get some _sun_. _Smell_ the flowers. Get in touch with _nature_. _Prance_ through the forest – "

"You don't have to _prance_, Severus," replied the headmaster jovially. "Although, if you want to _frolic_ – "

"Albus – " began the younger wizard.

"Or you could _skip_ – " chimed in McGonagall.

"Or _chassé_ – "

"Or _cartwheel_ – "

"I hate you all."

Both Dumbledore and McGonagall laughed. "Or you could just _walk_," said the Transfigurations teacher. "Nothing dangerous or particularly embarrassing about walking. Quite a non-threatening activity, actually."

"Maybe," mused Snape, sounding unconvinced. "What about reporters? What do you propose would happen if we were to run into one?"

"I would draw my wand and hex them off the property," said the headmaster instantly.

The younger wizard rolled his eyes. "You would not."

"For you, I would strongly consider it." Snape continued to look unconvinced. "You can't stay in here forever, Severus," said Dumbledore. "You'll have to leave sometime."

"Do you want to make a wager on that?" he asked dangerously, narrowing his eyes.

"No, he doesn't," interrupted the Transfigurations teacher. "We won't force you to go if you don't want to. But it would be nice to go for a walk."

_Why the bloody hell do I feel guilty?_ thought Snape, but he was only moderately angry with himself. "Fine, for a little while. But if you two are going," said the younger wizard to the other two, "you can't skip or frolic or waltz – "

"We won't," said the headmaster immediately.

McGonagall laughed at Dumbledore's eagerness. "We'll behave," she agreed.

"Thank you. Merlin knows I do not have much dignity left."

"Well, it's settled then," said the headmaster, popping out of his seat like a little kid. "Let's get going!"

"Wait," said the younger wizard.

"But why?" whined Dumbledore impatiently. "Let's go now!"

"I will not walk around without clothes for the entire world to gander at me!" he said as he pulled off his dressing gown and put on his usual black robes.

"It's summer; there is no one here to gander at you," said McGonagall, rolling her eyes. "Now let's go before Albus pulls a muscle."

Snape walked out of the cabin after the other two and was surprised at how pleasantly sunny it was. He usually got a migraine from the brightness of the outside world, which always seemed to mock him and his painful existence. Now, however, it only served to calm him. The sun's rays gently warmed his pale skin and the cool breeze brushed enjoyably against his face. He felt a smile begin to creep up, but he only fought it half-heartedly.

"You seem to be enjoying yourself," commented Dumbledore, who looked like he was fighting the urge to skip with all his might; he was positively beaming at the younger wizard.

"I'm turning into a bloody Hufflepuff," said Snape, although he did not seem to mind.

"Don't let Pomona hear you say that," said the Transfigurations teacher. "She might take offense."

"On the contrary, I think she would be delighted," countered the headmaster.

"And why is that?" asked Minerva, her eyebrows raised.

"She once commented that I would look stunning if I were to wear her house colors," said Snape. "She is not one to favor my usual choice of clothing, and she felt that I needed a bit of color variation."

"Color variation does not hurt, Severus," said Dumbledore, picking a yellow dandelion and giving it to the younger wizard.

"It does in your case," he snarked back, tossing the dandelion over his shoulder. "And it would in mine. Ludovic Bagman will be the only idiot bouncing around looking like a giant bumblebee as I refuse to join him."

"What's wrong with bumblebees?" asked the headmaster, pouting slightly.

"Nothing, as long as they are not the kind that incessantly buzz in your ear and sting you where it hurts."

"And where would that be, Severus?" asked McGonagall.

"I can think of a whole host of places," said the younger wizard, bending down to sit at the lake's edge. "But enough about that."

Dumbledore sat beside him. "What shall we talk about, then?"

"How about what's happened during the duration of my absence?"

"Ah, yes, you were M.I.A. for quite a while," commented the Transfigurations teacher as she sat at Snape's other side. "But where to begin?"

"How about with what you already know, Severus?" suggested the headmaster.

"Not much," he replied. "The Dark Lord is gone. Potter is acclaimed a hero. Shacklebolt is acting Minister of Magic, but I doubt it will be long before he is permanently appointed. The Ministry is in chaos, although that is nothing new, but there is the mess known as the Muggle world that needs to be cleaned up. And everyone now knows my role in – everything."

"That doesn't leave much to talk about," said McGonagall.

He huffed at her response. "You jest, Minerva."

"No, she doesn't, Severus," said the headmaster. "What you've just listed sums up a majority of what has occurred since the end of the war."

"There has to be more than that! What about the school? You have at least two teaching positions that you need to fill. Have you decided on anyone? Has anyone even tried to apply?"

The other two chuckled. "No and not really," said Dumbledore. "I'm afraid the entire wizarding world is much too preoccupied with rebuilding itself to worry about the Hogwarts teaching staff. I've gotten a few recommendations for Muggle Studies, but they all have yet to reply to my requests. And it actually might be three positions that I need to fill; Horace has been hinting that he wants to go back into retirement."

"How could he? The next school year is going to start in less than a month! Have you looked for anyone?"

The headmaster beamed. "I never knew you had such a passion for the school, Severus. Why so interested?"

"Is it so bad that I've taken interest in what it is you do everyday, Headmaster?"

"Of course not," Dumbledore replied, "you've actively voiced your opinion about my staff selections in the past. Often times you criticized my choices, and I admit that a number of your comments were valid, particularly those regarding Gilderoy Lockhart – "

"Of course they were," said Snape, exasperatedly cutting off the older wizard. "That lavender ponce had no experience whatsoever in Defense Against the Dark Arts. The only real credit to his name is that he was somewhat capable of casting Memory Charms. Even so, his limited knowledge backfired on him, and now he is a permanent resident of the loony ward at St. Mungo's."

"Yes, it is rather unfortunate that he happened to use Mr. Weasley's wand – "

"Albus," said McGonagall, leaning forward to look across Severus, "any wizard with half a brain – and yes, Severus, I do mean any wizard – could tell that Mr. Weasley's wand was extremely dangerous."

"So does that mean that the lavender ponce had less than half a brain?" asked Snape innocently.

"Now, now," chided the headmaster, "it's not fair to pick on the man. Besides, lavender is not a bad color."

"But you don't walk around wearing lavender robes," replied the younger wizard, leaning back on his hands. "You don't own any lavender robes, do you?"

"No, he doesn't," answered the Transfigurations teacher. "I have personally made sure that Albus does not buy robes in any pastel colors or bright shades of pink, yellow, and orange."

"Good," said the younger wizard, relieved. "Please keep it that way, Minerva."

Dumbledore laughed. "All comments about my wardrobe aside, I would like to know what you plan to do with all of your current spare time, Severus. Anything you've ever wanted to do?"

The younger wizard was taken aback. "I – I don't know. I've never really thought about it." Snape exhaled deeply. "I suppose…perhaps…well, no…."

Dumbledore and McGonagall exchanged glances. It was rare to see Snape uncertain about anything. "Yes?" prodded the headmaster gently.

"I – bloody hell, definitely turning into a Hufflepuff," he grumbled, shaking his head violently.

"Just say it, Severus," said the Transfigurations teacher lightly. "What do you think?"

"Well," he began slowly, "I think I miss it."

"Miss what?" asked Dumbledore, clearly confused.

"Teaching."

Silence. "Really?!" said McGonagall. "_You_ miss teaching? I thought you hated it!"

"I did! I mean," corrected Snape, leaning forward on his knees, "I still do. I think."

"It sounds to me like you don't know," said Dumbledore.

"But I think I do."

The Transfigurations teacher smiled, noticing the faint color that had risen in the younger wizard's cheeks. "What is it about teaching that you miss?"

"Perhaps the idea of appreciation for my work is appealing."

"But didn't you always say that we never respected you?" she prompted.

"And that we took too much for granted?" added the headmaster.

"I don't recall ever verbalizing that you _never_ respected me, only that a majority of the students and staff never appreciated me," he replied, laying back on the grass. "And you did take too much for granted, Headmaster, although it had nothing to do with my teaching – "

"I know," sighed the older wizard, "and I know that a thousand apologies could never make anything up to you, and yet here you are."

Snape chuckled before he stretched and closed his eyes. "I suppose you grow on people after a while, old man."

_Thanks again for reading! Please review!_

_Also, if anyone has any scenarios that they would like to see carried out in this story, I am open to suggestions :)._


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** Nothing from the Harry Potter series belongs to me.

_Hello!_

_I finally found some time amidst my busy life to squeeze out another chapter. It is a bit shorter than the first three, but I tried to make it quality writing, so I hope no one gets too mad._

_And as always, please please please review! I know there are more than a handful of people reading, and I would really like to hear from everyone. I am open to constructive criticism and ideas._

_Thanks for sticking with me!_

_saiyanwizardgurl_

Chapter 4: Not Enough

Warm. He felt pleasantly warm. However, it was not the kind of warmth that came from the sun. _How odd, _thought Snape. He stretched slowly, letting a huge yawn escape. He paused mid-stretch when he heard a chuckle and realized where he was.

"Very funny, Headmaster!" he growled, hurling a pillow at the older wizard.

Dumbledore laughed joyously as he stopped the pillow in midair. "Sorry, I couldn't resist."

The younger wizard pressed his palms over his eyes in an attempt to stop the headache that he felt coming. "Do not tell me that I was carried back here."

"And if I do tell you?" asked the headmaster.

Snape was quite irritated by the distinct humor in the older wizard's voice. "I would die of shame."

He heard McGonagall laugh. "There is no one here to see," she said. There was also an amused ring to her speech.

"It does not matter," said the younger wizard, rubbing his hands over his eyes. "You could have woken me up."

"Don't do that," said Dumbledore as he walked over to the bed and gently grabbed Snape's wrists. "You're going to hurt your eyes." He sighed as the younger wizard pulled out of his grasp. "How do you feel?"

Snape attempted to rub his eyes again, but the headmaster stopped him once more. He growled in frustration. "Fuzzy. Everything is fuzzy."

"That's because you're making everything fuzzy," replied Dumbledore, moving the younger wizard's hands to his side. "Give yourself some time to get used to the light. Are you hungry?"

"Not really," he managed to say before a huge yawn escaped. "Just tired."

The headmaster placed a hand on Snape's forehead. "Any pain?"

"Since when did you take over for Poppy?" he grumbled, scowling and rolling onto his side.

Dumbledore gently pushed him onto his back again. "Just answer the question, Severus. Anything particularly painful?"

"You mean besides you two?"

At this, the Transfigurations teacher narrowed her eyes. "Severus – "

"Not much," he growled quickly. "Just a little stiff from sleeping."

"Please don't fight us," said the headmaster, taking off his glasses and running a hand over his tired face. "We're just trying to help you."

"I apologize," sighed the younger wizard. He paused before whispering, "You know I get fidgety when people touch me. I am trying."

McGonagall came over to the other two and sat down. "You don't have to push yourself on our account." She reached out to brush her hand against his cheek, but hesitated for fear of making him uncomfortable. Snape exhaled deeply and closed his eyes in a silent invitation to continue. She ran her fingers over his cheek and smiled slightly when he leaned into her touch.

_Tap, tap, tap._ Something was rapping on the window. Each of the three cabin's occupants looked at each other, their eyes narrowed. Slowly, Dumbledore stood. He drew his wand for good measure as he made his way to the window. Pulling back the curtains, he saw two owls sitting on the sill. He sighed in relief. "It's just the mail."

"Who in their right mind would send me anything?" asked Severus as he rolled onto his side and propped himself up.

"Perhaps it's from the _Prophet_," said the Transfigurations teacher.

"It would appear so," said the headmaster, taking in the birds. He untied their burdens and handed them to the younger wizard. "Shall I have them wait for a reply?"

"No, send them off," he replied as he opened the letters.

Dumbledore returned to the window. He held his arm out for the owls to fly off, but they remained as if they had been commanded to wait for a return letter. The headmaster shook his arm. "Come on, off you go!"

The birds, seeming irritated that their perch was unstable, took flight. One of them brushed the tip of its wing in Dumbledore's face. Fortunately, he shut his eyes and pressed his lips together just in time to avoid a mouthful of feathers. _How rude, _he thought.

"Severus!" he heard McGonagall shout.

The headmaster turned around. The witch was on her feet facing Snape, who had just tossed the letters into the fire. The parchment was already curling at the edges as it began to burn. "What in Merlin's name were you _thinking_? Were you even thinking? Do you realize what you just did?!"

"I am fully aware of what I have done," he said, leaning back against the headboard.

"But why, Severus?" The Transfigurations teacher looked as if she wanted to faint. "Answering those letters would have stopped the reporters."

"No, they would not," replied the younger wizard as he tilted his head upward. "It would only give them more reason to come here. If I can hold a quill, I can give a live interview. Even if filling out their surveys would stop their pestering, I sill would have tossed them. I refuse to give them answers. They have no right to ask for them."

"You're absolutely right, Severus," said Dumbledore, sitting down in a chair in front of the fire.

"Albus, what – ?" began McGonagall, raising her eyebrow incredulously.

The headmaster held up a hand. "Wait, let me finish, Minerva." He turned to face the younger wizard, who was deliberately avoiding eye contact. "As I was saying, you are absolutely right. No one has any right to ask you for answers. But the fact of the matter is that they are going to ask whether or not they have the right. You can keep running from them, and they will continue to chase you. I know it's a lot to ask of you, but couldn't you at least write up a statement to send them?"

"It will not be enough, Albus," said Snape, still not looking at the older wizard. The other two saw the younger wizard wrap his arms around his torso and exchanged worried glances. "They want more than just a statement. They want answers. They want reasons. They want to know _everything_. They want answers to questions that they have already answered. They want my point-of-view. It's not a matter if I was right or wrong in what I have done. It isn't really even an issue that my loyalty was uncertain for most people for sixteen years. Now that my role has been revealed, they want to ride the popularity train surrounding this story for as long as they can. They will take full advantage of the inundation of gratitude, compassion, pity, remorse, and scorn that I do not want from anyone in the hopes that they will be able to get one scrap of new information. Even the tiniest morsel to boost sales. But there is nothing. Nothing new that I can say that does not burn my throat or sting my eyes or make my heart want to burst. Why is everything so painful?" By this time, all that was left of him was a trembling man, curled in on himself and clawing at his arms.

Dumbledore and McGonagall looked at each other once more, both at a complete loss as of what to do. Each felt terribly for Snape and desperately wanted to shield him from every harm, but neither had any idea how they could. So they continued to sit in uncertainty with numerous questions flashing across their minds. _What do we do? What _can_ we do? What could we possibly say that would not sound cliché or empty?_

The headmaster saw the Transfigurations teacher drop her head into her hands. With a shaky breath, he stood and slowly approached the bed. The younger wizard gave no indication that he noticed anything. "Severus?" said Dumbledore, his voice much too tight for his liking. No response came. Snape seemed to have regained control of his body. The trembling had stopped, but he continued to crunch in on himself protectively. "Severus, I am going to touch you." Still no movement, not even a blink or a twitch. Slowly, the headmaster placed his hands over the younger wizard's pale, shaking ones. He gently rubbed his fingertips over the bony knuckles.

And then Snape looked up into the elder wizard's blue eyes, and Dumbledore saw nothing and everything at the same time. The black irises were blank, but their emptiness conveyed so much. Too much hurt and torment had dimmed the life that should be shining through those orbs.

The headmaster was thankful that they were on the bed. The younger wizard looked about ready to collapse. Dumbledore ran his hands up the long arms to Snape's shoulders and gently pulled him in. The younger wizard suddenly lost all ability to hold himself and sagged against the headmaster's chest. The older wizard stroked the black hair and casted a mild Sleeping Charm over him.

Dumbledore looked up when he heard a small sob. At first, he thought it had come from Snape, but he was still asleep. Turning to the fire, he suddenly realized that it had been McGonagall. She was trying to compose herself, but it seemed that she was having great difficulty. "I'm sorry, Albus," she said, wiping her eyes.

"I don't blame you, Minerva," he replied as he continued to comfort the sleeping wizard.

"What do we do now?" asked the Transfigurations teacher. "What should we do?"

The headmaster sighed deeply. "I don't know."

_Thanks again for reading this chapter! PLEASE REVIEW! :)_


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer:** Still, after many years, I do not own Harry Potter. And I do not mind one bit!

_Hey all!_

_So I know I said that I would update sooner, but life always gets in the way. I know that I always use that as an excuse, but it really is true! Here are some of the things that have happened since my last post…_

_1. Midterms for just about every one of my classes._

_2. Dance rehearsals for our next concert have started._

_3. We've had a couple of dance gigs to do, so there were additional rehearsals for that._

_4. My car got into an accident (the kind where the driver in front of you abruptly stops because he's not paying attention, so you stop, but the driver behind you doesn't stop in time and bangs you from behind, resulting in a crushed right tail light, a bumper on the ground, and an almost completely shattered back window. But no one was hurt, thank God)._

_Thanks to all those that have read and reviewed so far. I hope you will continue to (or begin to, if you're new) let me know what you think!_

_My spring break is halfway over, but I've managed to put this out. I really want to squeeze out chapter 6 for you guys before I go back to school. Keep your fingers crossed!_

_saiyanwizardgurl_

Chapter 5: Uncertainty

"Another beautiful day," said Dumbledore aloud as he peered out onto the grounds. From his desk, the headmaster could see a few white, fluffy clouds in the bright blue sky, but none held any signs of rain. He could tell that there was a slight breeze because the tops of the trees were swaying.

"I trust that means that you will be visiting Severus?" asked McGonagall as she looked up from the book she was reading.

"I think so," he replied. "I would like to see him again."

The Transfigurations teacher smiled. "Albus, you make it sound as if you have not seen him for a week. We were at his cabin yesterday."

"I know," he said, a smile also creeping up on his face. "But I enjoy our conversations. Severus is a remarkably intelligent individual, and there are few that can match his knowledge. It's nice to have someone that can keep up with what I say. Or at least most of what I say. Some of my references are quite out-of-date."

"But you also worry," she said knowingly and put her book down.

Dumbledore cast his gaze down. "Yes, I do," he said, twisting the end of his beard in his fingers. He always played with the end of his beard when he worried. He was grateful that his desk hid his fidgeting hands from McGonagall's gaze, but she probably knew what he was doing. Still, it was better to keep this habit a secret. People already thought him a crazy old man.

"Nothing wrong with worrying about him," said the Transfigurations teacher soothingly. "Someone has to. Go see him, and ease your anxiety."

_My anxiety._ The headmaster cleared his head. "Will you be joining me?"

"Sadly, I cannot. As Severus mentioned, the new term is fast approaching, and I have some things I need to attend to. I would also like to stop by Flourish and Blotts. They have a book I ordered a little while back. Tell Severus that I send my love."

"I will," he replied, smiling as he stood. "Don't work too hard."

"I'll try, but no promises." She stood also, and kissed him on the cheek before she headed for the door. "Oh, and Albus?"

"Yes, love?" he asked, pausing as he gathered up the papers on his desk.

"You don't have to ask him today, but please consider offering Severus his job back again," said McGonagall, looking over her shoulder at him. "He did say that he missed it a little, and we are still short a few teachers. Besides, you know you want him back."

_I want him back._ He blinked. "I will consider it."

She smiled. "Thank you." With that, she left the office.

Suddenly feeling weak, Dumbledore let himself fall back into the high-backed chair behind his desk. _Ease my anxiety. I want him back. Me. Not him. Me._ He was beginning to realize what was taking place. After all, it had happened before. He had always done what he wanted, and Snape had always gotten whatever was left. This usually meant that the younger wizard had to put up with unfair scorn from others. There were even a few times when Snape was put in danger to fulfill the headmaster's commands. Whenever he thought about what he was doing, Dumbledore usually found a way to squash his feelings of guilt so that he could focus on the more pressing matters at hand. The gravity of the situation had never struck him so hard before, but perhaps it was long overdue.

"It's not about me," he told himself aloud. "It's about Severus. He comes first." The headmaster removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes. _Should I even go down to him? Have I imposed too much? Why does this have to be so difficult?_

Despite his uncertainty, Dumbledore felt something nagging at him to still visit the younger wizard. As he stood and headed for the door, he could feel every one of his 117 years. The burden of doubt continued to weigh on him as he walked down the many sets of stairs that led to the Great Hall. Opening the front doors allowed some of the sunlight to pour over him, which offered some comfort. Gazing across the lawn, he was instantly grateful that he had made the sojourn.

There was no mistaking the small group that was surrounding the cabin's front door. The gleam of what looked like a camera made him only more certain of who he was about to encounter. He forced himself not to sprint to the scene, but his long strides carried him quickly across the lawn.

"Open up," said one of the reporters loudly, banging on the door. The headmaster recognized this one as Sylvester Martinus.

"We saw you go inside, so we know you can hear us," said another, this time a woman. "You have no reason to avoid us if you are well enough to walk around outside." Dumbledore felt himself clench his fists.

"Just a few questions, Mr. Snape," said a lanky youth that was trying to peek through a non-existent gap in the tightly drawn curtains.

"And a picture or two," added the photographer, who was snapping his camera at the closed door.

"Might I ask what you are doing?" The headmaster had finally reached the cabin. His voice gave no indication of his irritation, but anyone looking at him could tell that he was livid. The reporters took a step back from him.

"We are here to interview Mr. Snape," said Martinus. His voice wavered a little, but he took a step forward and stood to his full height as he addressed the older wizard. He was at least a foot shorter than Dumbledore.

"And did he know that you were coming to visit?" he asked, carefully and deliberately speaking each word. It would not do to lose his temper.

Martinus fiddled with his quill. "Well, no, but – "

"Headmaster Dumbledore," said the female reporter, cutting off the other wizard, "we all saw Mr. Snape walking across the grounds when we arrived. He appears perfectly healthy. We honored his request at St. Mungo's to leave him alone, but if he is well enough, then he must allow us an interview. The public has a right to it."

"I do not believe I know you, Miss – ?"

"Carmen Sherrity, _Witch Weekly_ reporter," she introduced herself, extending her hand to the headmaster. He did not accept it.

"Well, Miss Sherrity, I must inform you that any and all interviews with Mr. Snape are by appointment only." _It must be serious if even _Witch Weekly_ is digging for news._

"And I must inform you, Headmaster, that Mr. Snape has not returned a single owl requesting an interview." As if to emphasize her statement, the other reporters nodded feebly in agreement.

Dumbledore sighed. It would take every bit of his self-control to get through this, but Merlin, he would be damned if he let them win. "Let me make myself clear. To _all _of you." He paused to make sure their eyes were on him. "If Mr. Snape chooses to ignore your requests, then that is his decision to make. If he says that he is not well enough to be interviewed, you will respect that. If he does not feel comfortable giving interviews, he does not have to, and you will not bother him. Contrary to what you believe, the public has absolutely no right to invade Mr. Snape's privacy, and I trust that you will give him no further problems."

"_You_ say that he isn't well enough, but we saw him walking around," said the lanky reporter in a sudden burst of courage. "What gives you the right to turn us away?"

Dumbledore's eyes narrowed at the youth's audacity. "As headmaster of this school, I am perfectly within my bounds to ensure the safety and well-being of my employees – "

"So does that mean that Mr. Snape will be resuming his teaching post at Hogwarts?" cut in Martinus, his quill hovering over his parchment notepad.

"That remains to be seen," he replied vaguely, intensifying the glare that was currently on his face. "Seeing as you have no business being here, I would like you to leave the grounds. Now." All but the female reporter were slowly inching away from Dumbledore. "Be advised that I will not look kindly upon further accosting of Mr. Snape. I will personally escort anyone to the gates if they plan on harassing Severus further. This is your first and last warning."

He had barely finished his sentence when the photographer took off running, the young reporter close on his heels. Martinus was backing away, but Sherrity remained where she was. "We will be back, Dumbledore," she threatened. "You cannot keep us away."

"Actually, I believe I can," he retorted, attempting to burn a hole in the back of her head as she retreated at a normal pace. When she and Martinus had disappeared into the trees, he let his anger drop. He felt tired. "Flinky?"

"Yes, Headmaster?" said the house-elf softly from somewhere around his ankles.

"Make sure they leave, and check that the gates are locked after they pass through them," he said flatly.

"Of course." He heard her leave with a small _pop._

Dumbledore walked up the stone steps and placed his hand on the door handle. He felt the wards shudder at his presence and hoped that they would recognize him. They did.

"Severus?" he called softly as he opened the door. The faint glow of the low fire obscured the room in shadows, but he could see a blanket-covered lump curled up in the corner of the bed that was against the wall. It was not moving. "I'm sorry you had to hear that."

No response. The headmaster sighed, trying to push down his worry. "Severus, it's all right now. You can come out. I told them to leave."

"They'll come back."

Dumbledore was relieved when he heard the hoarse whisper. "Not if they know what's good for them."

"I just want to be left alone."

"No, Severus," said the headmaster, taking a seat next to the lump on the bed. Close up, he could see a slight tremor. "You need to get used to being around people again."

"I can't – "

"Not them, Severus. Just me. Just Minerva and me. You don't have to be scared of us. Now come on out. Your neck must be hurting." Dumbledore tried to pry the blanket off the younger wizard, but they were tucked under his body tightly. The feeling of panic was practically radiating off of Snape, and it caused the older wizard to stop suddenly. He took his hands away. _I'm doing it again._

"I'm sorry, Severus," said the headmaster slowly, hating the weakness in his voice.

The younger wizard peeked out from under the blanket. "Why?"

Snape spoke cautiously, and Dumbledore felt his heart twinge painfully. He walked over to the fireplace, his back to the other wizard, and put his hands in his pockets. "I really shouldn't be forcing my company upon you. If I really respected your wishes, I would leave you alone. I wouldn't try to visit you, or make you eat, or convince you to take walks outside." He laughed bitterly. "I would strengthen the barriers around Hogwarts so that no one could enter or exit unless the castle recognized their magical signature." He paused momentarily before continuing. "I would let you _leave_."

Severus looked up with an expression that was somewhere between shock and fear. He had heard the faint crack in the headmaster's voice. "Leave?"

"Yes," he replied, glancing over his shoulder. "I would let you go wherever your heart desired. I would let you leave this place you hate so much and settle somewhere where you could live the rest of your days in serenity and peace. I wouldn't selfishly keep you close where I can always keep an eye on you."

"You're not – "

"I am, Severus. I am. You are always telling us that you can't eat, you can't sleep, you can't deal with the reporters. Well, I can't either. I know just how overwhelming this all is. But I can't let you go. If I did, you could solve all of these problems. Some right away, some in time, but they could be solved, and you could be happy."

"Could I?" asked the younger wizard.

Dumbledore's heart sank. "If that is what you really desire, then of course – "

"That is not what I meant," interrupted Snape. He sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. The headmaster's back was toward him, so Dumbledore did not notice the younger wizard pull the blanket over his shoulders. "What I am really asking is will I be able to solve all of my problems by leaving? Is that possible?"

"You would have the privacy and space to heal," answered the headmaster hollowly as he gazed, unseeing, into the fireplace. "And the time to heal. Nothing to remind you of the hurt that you have undeservedly suffered."

"But I would be alone," he murmured softly.

That caused Dumbledore to turn around. Snape was staring at his knees. "I have no family, no friends." The headmaster wanted to object, but the younger wizard continued on before he could interrupt. "Both you and Minerva have tried to help me, but you are bound to Hogwarts. I trust you, but I could never take you with me."

At that moment, Snape looked up at him. He was looking at him as if he wanted something, but he was unable to articulate what that something was. The grimace on his face made the struggle look painful. Dumbledore returned the gaze, trying desperately to figure out what it was. The black irises seemed to be overflowing with meaning, but the message was clouded.

And then the headmaster realized what that something was. _Love. He wants to be loved and know that he is loved._

On the surface, it seemed to be an easily-fulfillable task to carry out, but the situation had so much depth and complexity. Dumbledore, pushing down any hesitation that he had, moved to the bed and sat down next to the younger wizard. He reached out and carefully placed one of his weathered hands on Snape's. The younger wizard leaned in towards him, and he felt very heart-warmed by the simple gesture that meant so much. "You don't have to be alone. I will be here, if you allow me. Minerva, too."

"I would like to stay here," said Snape, "for the time being. If that is all right with you."

The headmaster smiled. "You are always welcome to stay."

"But I will still have the option to leave?" he asked.

"Yes," repeated the other wizard. "Do whatever makes you happy."

The younger wizard hesitated. He felt that the concept of happiness was foreign. He could not remember the last time he had been truly happy or if there had ever been a time. Even now, there was still so much hurt clouding his vision. But he knew that he felt safe every time he was with Dumbledore and McGonagall. Perhaps that could lead him to happiness. "I will try."

_I apologize in advance for any spelling or grammar errors. It's past two in the morning here, and I'm getting a little sleepy._

_Thanks for reading to the end…PLEASE REVIEW!_


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: **As always, I do not own the Harry Potter series. However, Flinky the House-Elf is my creation.

_Hello everyone!_

_So this is the time where I am supposed to tell you why it took me so long to update this story. There are a whole host of reasons that I could list; however, each and every one would probably sound like a poor excuse (even if they are legitimate), so I will refrain from boring you with them all. I hope, once again, that you can forgive my sluggishness._

_Please enjoy!_

_saiyanwizardgurl_

Chapter 6: Reinstatement

The afternoon sun shone across the vast grounds of Hogwarts School and Witchcraft and Wizardry. At the edge of the Forbidden Forest, the small stone cabin was partially shrouded in shadow. However, when the headmaster pulled back the curtain covering the window, light streamed in. "Severus," he called softly. "It's time to wake up."

The wizard in question, who was bundled up warmly, did not move. "Hmm," he sighed comfortably.

"No use in that. You asked me to wake you up. You're trying to get back onto a normal sleep schedule." With the tiniest wave of his wand, Dumbledore sent the bed sheets flying across the room, leaving the pajama-clad wizard with nothing but his pillow.

At this, Severus Snape covered his head with the pillow and uttered several profanities in Gobbledygook. "_Khaavolaar! Maabet! Aram!_"

"Stop that," retorted the older wizard, who had not moved from his place in front of the window. "You will get up."

"_Ban._"

The headmaster looked over his shoulder and saw that Snape was still prostrate. Another wave of his wand, and the pillow sailed across the room and landed on the blanket. "Up, Severus."

"_Cho,_" he growled, but made no move to rise.

Dumbledore walked over to the bed and tapped his wand on the other wizard's head. He cast no charm, but rather hoped that his actions would irritate Snape. "Now."

"I know, I know!" he said loudly, batting away the wand. "Merlin, old man, I'm getting up."

The headmaster took in the younger wizard's appearance as he sat up. _Hmm. Slightly disheveled and still a bit tired, but otherwise all right._ "And it only took ten exchanges of dialogue to drag you out of bed."

"I would hardly consider 'hmm' as a line of dialogue," Snape grumbled, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes."How long have I been asleep?"

Dumbledore looked at his twelve-handed watch. "About three hours."

"No wonder I feel like shit," he replied, dropping his hand. He stood up and went to fetch his robes.

"If I let you sleep any longer, you won't be able to sleep through the night – "

"And we both know what a tragedy that would be," countered the younger wizard as he pulled on his robes.

"The sooner you have a normal sleep pattern, the better," said the headmaster, who had begun pacing in front of the fireplace. "You said so yourself."

"Thank you for the reminder," he said, sitting down at the table, "but I have the capacity to remember our previous conversation."

_I suppose I should take the slight snark as a good sign. _"Are you hungry?" asked Dumbledore, changing the conversation. "It should be about time for dinner."

The younger wizard took a moment to ponder. "A little."

"Hmm," the older wizard mused. "Do you mind if I try something new?"

"Such as?" asked Snape, his eyes narrowing.

"Just a new method I've discovered," he said, ceasing his pacing and turning to face the other wizard.

_I don't like that look. _"I am not a test subject."

"No, you're not, but you are always looking for opportunities to eat less."

"Because you try to feed me when I am not hungry!"

Dumbledore stepped towards the table. "You only think you aren't hungry," he said, giving the younger wizard yet another look-over. "Your physique proves otherwise."

Snape crossed his arms in front of his chest. "I have a high metabolism."

"Then you will understand why you need to eat more," countered the headmaster with a smile.

Sensing his decline into loss, the younger wizard conceded. "Fine. Explain to me your latest bright idea."

"I've been reading up on Muggle healthcare and diet practices," said the headmaster, resuming his pacing, "and there are a number of professionals that believe that it is better to eat smaller, more frequent portions as opposed to just two or three large meals a day. Since you have difficulty eating a lot, this method may work better for you."

The younger wizard had not expected such a proposition. "Perhaps…there is merit in your suggestion."

Dumbledore stopped pacing. "You are allowed to say 'no.'"

"Of course. But I am hungry."

"Then I must take advantage of this opportunity," beamed the headmaster, clapping his hands together.

Instantly, a tray of food appeared in the middle of the table. "Good evening, Professors," said Flinky softly, placing the food on the table. "I hope this is suitable, Headmaster."

"Yes, of course, Flinky, thank you," said Dumbledore with a nod.

"I shall take my leave," said the house-elf, who curtseyed before disappearing with a small _pop._

Looking down at the tray of food, Snape noted that all of the portions were noticeably smaller than usual. "You were prepared for this?"

"I had some time to kill while you were resting," said the other wizard cheerfully as he sat down across from Snape and began to distribute the plates of food between the two of them.

"Sneaky old man," muttered the younger wizard, but he picked up his fork and began to eat, nonetheless.

They ate in companionable silence for a while. The only noise that resounded in the cabin was the clinking of silverware until Snape spoke up. "Headmaster?"

"What is it, Severus?"

"I would like to inquire…about the availability of any teaching positions at the school." He purposefully kept his eyes on his food.

Dumbledore looked up from his plate and tried to contain his utter astonishment and glee. He had not expected the topic to come up so soon, and he certainly would not have predicted that the other wizard would be the one to bring it up. "Of course," he said calmly. "Which position are you considering?" _Now that the curse has been lifted, he can safely return to the Defense Against the Dark Arts post._

"That depends…." said Snape slowly.

The older wizard was surprised at his hesitation. "Upon?"

"Will Professor Slughorn be returning as Potions Master this year?" For the first time since the conversation started, Snape looked up at the headmaster.

Dumbledore could not hold back the smile that was beginning to creep up his face. "Horace had intended to return this year," he offered, but seeing that the younger wizard was beginning to look crestfallen, he quickly added, "However, he urged me to convince you to resume the Potions Master position by any means necessary and told me to inform him straight away of your acceptance so that he can hurry back into retirement."

Snape took a moment to take this all in. "So it will not be a waste to put in my application for the Potions Master post?"

"Heavens, no, Severus! We would love to have you back. Minerva, Filius, and Pomona have also asked me to offer you a place on the staff again. However, I must admit that I am quite surprised that you do not want the Defense position. We all were under the impression that you would request it if you were to come back."

The younger wizard smirked. "I had considered that option, but I think one year of teaching Defense has satisfied my appetite for the subject for quite a while. Both Potions and Defense Against the Dark Arts are highly dangerous fields of study—especially at this school. Regardless, I think I would still prefer to be the Potions Master. There is nothing quite as calming as the sound of a simmering brew, but I do not expect a silly wand-waver such as yourself to understand."

"And that is why I went into the Transfigurations department," beamed the headmaster. "Since we are on the subject of your reinstatement, I would like to make a suggestion. You really ought to consider living back in the castle."

The younger wizard looked a little uncomfortable. "Not yet. I like it here. There's something very…heartening…about this place. What if there was some way for us to link this cabin to the castle?"

Dumbledore looked thoughtful. "What do you suggest?"

"Perhaps the staff room wardrobe?"

"As far as I know," began the older wizard, "that wardrobe only connects to areas in the castle, but I will look into it."

"Thank you. I have grown fond of this place, but the reporters – "

"Have already been taken care of," said the headmaster, who waved his hand as if to disregard a matter of little importance. "I won't have them harassing you anymore."

"And how do you plan to accomplish that?" asked Snape skeptically as he resumed eating.

"I have my ways, as I'm sure you are already aware," he replied, also continuing his meal.

"Of course," drawled the younger wizard, waving his fork in the air, "the great Albus Dumbledore can solve anything."

"The 'great' and 'anything' parts are arguable, but I have been known to rectify a problem or two."

"Speaking of which," said Snape after he swallowed his food, "I need to ask you a favor, or else things may become slightly…problematic."

"Of course," said the older wizard immediately. "What can I do for you?"

"How many people know that you are coming to see me?" he asked.

"Well," said the headmaster, pushing his empty plate away and wiping his mouth with his napkin, "there's Minerva, Horace, and Hagrid. I haven't told Filius or Pomona, but I expect they have figured out that I am visiting you, otherwise they would not have asked me to offer you a teaching position."

"No one else?"

"Not that I know of."

"I see," he replied, still nibbling at his dinner.

"I don't see where you're going with this, Severus."

"I would like you to keep these visits a secret for as long as you can."

"Certainly. May I inquire as to why?"

"The less people that know, the better. There are those that might cause a bit of a fuss if they were to find out that I am seeing people now. For example, Poppy and Rolanda would be angry that you and Minerva are allowed to see me and they are not."

The headmaster understood right away. "Ah, yes, they would be. Fortunately, Rolanda is still away for the summer, but I will be careful around Poppy as she returned to the castle a few days ago. I shall also let Minerva know." He smiled as he saw the other wizard swallow the last bite of his food. "I think this is a much better method for you," he said with a smile.

"What?" asked Snape, slightly confused until he looked down at his empty plate. "Oh. That. You were lucky today, old man."

"Well, I hope I will be lucky again tomorrow."

_BANG, BANG, BANG! _The two wizards froze. Something—or someone—was pounding on the cabin door. "Albus Dumbledore, you open this door right now!"

"Poppy, calm down – "

"Stop that, Minerva, you are already in enough trouble as it is! Dumbledore, I know you're in there, and I know Severus is in there, too. Now let me in before I force my way in!"

"Why, Merlin? Why?" asked the younger wizard, leaning back in his chair.

"Let me in, Albus!" screamed Madame Pomfrey once more as she continued to give the door a beating.

"Aren't you going to get the door?" asked the headmaster, who looked fearful.

"She's calling for you," countered Snape.

"This is your house," replied Dumbledore.

"You're the headmaster," said the other wizard.

"ALBUS!"

"Alas, you are right as always, Severus," sighed the headmaster, placing a hand over his heart. Bracing himself, he stood and cautiously approached the door. "If anything happens to me, know that I care deeply for you and hope that you live a long and happy life." With that, he grasped the doorknob.

-----------

A.N. The Gobbledygook that Severus uses was taken from the Dungeons and Dragons Archive of "The Goblin Language in Eberron."

**Khaavolaar!:** A Goblin curse of frustration or amazement. It is a contraction of "Khaar volaar" or "blood of the word."

**Maabet!:** An extremely ancient Goblin curse word still in use today. There is no known translation.

**aram:** Wrath or righteous anger. Also the proper Goblin name of the legendary Sword of Heroes forged from byeshk by the legendary Dhakaani dashoor Taruuzh during the Daelkyr War and now carried by the shifter Geth

**ban:** Goblin expression of non-committal agreement, roughly equivalent to "yeah, alright" or "your funeral."

**cho:** Goblin expression of informal agreement with or acknowledgement of a statement made, roughly equivalent to "yes" or "okay."

As always, I hope you will take the time to leave me a review!


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: Harry Potter is copyright by J.K. Rowling. I own nothing.**

_Hey everyone!_

_So it's been…oh, about three months since my last post. I know, I know, it's becoming a habit, but life is continuing to make it harder to update quickly. Dance (concert's coming up in December), school (exams are around the same time as concert, so that's a double smack down), work (more flexible than the aforementioned, but still requires a bit of time), and many other activities are all struggling for my time. All are quite unfair to fan fiction, but thus is life, both beautiful and frustrating at the same time. But anyway…._

_This chapter has somehow become the longest one yet! I'm not quite sure how it happened, but I am glad that I can at least present something of substantial length to you readers. Also, this story has finally reached the 50 reviews mark! Thank you so much to all that have read and reviewed so far. I am honestly grateful!_

_To clarify any confusion about this chapter, I will remind you that this story is AU. Dumbledore is not gay in this one (sorry, I've always been rather fond of the ADMM ship). He's also not dead. The events from HBP on do not always align with this plot. I've decided that for the sake of this story that the scene on the Astronomy Tower at the end of HBP did occur but Dumbledore was not killed. Severus feigned truly returning to Voldemort and pretended to be a traitor. He was proven to be a spy for the Light at the end of the war and did not die in the Whomping Willow. If you have any other questions, feel free to ask :)._

_I hope everyone enjoys!_

_saiyanwizardgurl_

Chapter 7: Filling the Staff

It was as if Poppy Pomfrey knew which of them would answer the door. "How _dare_ you not tell me that Severus was staying here?!" she began, storming into the cabin, her wand only inches from Dumbledore's long, crooked nose. The Mediwitch, although a very kind and gentle woman, was very stern and strict when it came to her patients. And because she had treated Snape time and time again after he returned from Death Eater meetings, Pomfrey regarded him as one of her closest and dearest patients.

"Poppy, please, calm down—" began the headmaster.

"Why should I calm down?" she said, loudly cutting him off. "Calming down would suggest that everything was fine! And we are far from being fine, Albus Dumbledore! I understand that Severus doesn't want to be bothered by the general public, but you have no right to hide him from me—"

"I am hardly hiding him," replied the older wizard, pushing the Mediwitch's wand out of his face. "As I stated before, Severus requested that he be left alone. It has taken me a while to realize that I must completely respect that request whenever it is made, but I have realized it. It's high time that we all realize it. He is old enough to make decisions for himself!"

As if she suddenly remembered that he was in the room, Pomfrey peered around the headmaster in search of the wizard currently up for discussion. As soon as she saw the pale face shadowed in black fringe, she scurried around Dumbledore and stood in front of Snape, who had risen from his chair during the commotion. "Severus."

Snape stared back at her, his face expressionless and his stature guarded. Pomfrey stared right back with tears in her eyes. Finally unable to hold it in any longer, she launched herself at him, wrapping her arms around his thin torso. "Oh, Severus, I've been so worried about you!" The younger wizard gasped, clearly surprised as such an outward display of affection. After a moment of hesitation, he awkwardly patted her on the head.

Meanwhile, Dumbledore and McGonagall were having a heated discussion at the other end of the table. "You told her?" whispered the headmaster.

"I didn't!" hissed back the deputy headmistress. "She followed me here!"

"Surely you could have checked that you were not being followed?"

"I did check, but I didn't think that she would go to such lengths just to see where I was going!"

"I can hear everything you're saying," hiccupped the Mediwitch, who was still clinging to Snape.

Dumbledore sighed. "We aren't trying to hide anything from you. Please, just sit down. And give Severus some room. You're making him uncomfortable."

Pomfrey looked up and saw that although Snape still had a hand on her head, he had averted his eyes from her. She slowly relaxed her death grip on him and backed up to sit down at the table. The younger wizard took the seat next to her just as the headmaster sat down across the table. "Shall I make some tea?" asked McGonagall, breaking the silence.

"If you would," said Snape, much to everyone's relief.

Dumbledore conjured a handkerchief and handed it to the Mediwitch. "There, there, Poppy. Severus is okay. Calm down."

"Thank you," she said, dabbing her eyes. "I'm sorry. It's just been such a long time since…."

"I know," replied the headmaster with a comforting hand on her shoulder. "I understand. It wasn't until recently that Minerva and I started seeing Severus again. You must have missed him."

"Yes," she sniffled, wiping her eyes one last time. "Is he eating properly?"

"I'm _right_ here, you know," said the younger wizard indignantly as he leaned forward into her field of vision. "You can ask _me_."

"I won't get a truthful answer from you," retorted Pomfrey.

"He just ate," laughed Dumbledore, holding out a hand to keep Snape in his seat and exceedingly grateful that they had not yet cleared away their plates. "And he rested the whole day. It will take some time, but he will get back to a normal schedule."

"As I'm sure you are aware, Poppy, it doesn't happen overnight," said the Deputy Headmistress, placing a cup of tea in front of each person with a flick of her wand. "Just give it some time."

"Bloody hell," muttered the younger wizard, folding his arms across his chest.

"Perhaps you ought to talk to Severus," cut in the headmaster, his eyes twinkling madly. "He has been a lot more honest with himself recently. I'm sure he will answer any of your questions truthfully."

The Mediwitch glanced over at Snape and smiled. "Severus?"

The younger wizard's eyebrows rose. "_Yes?_"

"How have you been recently?" she asked before taking a sip of her tea.

"Well," he began, uncrossing his arms and placing his hands on either side of his teacup, "since we are being _honest_ here, I suppose I would say that I have not been very well, but we—that is to say, Albus, Minerva, and I—are working on it."

"I see," said Pomfrey with a smile. "And I take it that eating and sleeping are on your agenda?"

"Of course," he replied, sipping his tea. He waved his hand towards the empty plates in the middle of the table. "The evidence of that is before you."

Dumbledore sent the plates and silverware back to the kitchen with a wand wave. The Mediwitch hesitated slightly before continuing. "And do you have any…plans…for the future?"

"If that is your not-so-discreet way of asking me if I am returning to the staff," said Snape as he leaned back in his chair, "then the answer is yes."

"Excellent," she said, beaming.

McGonagall was smiling as if Christmas had come early. "That just leaves you to find someone for Muggle Studies," she said to the headmaster.

"No," he replied, swirling around his tea. "We still need a Defense teacher."

"I beg your pardon?" said the Deputy Headmistress, clearly confused.

"But Severus just said he was returning to the staff," said Pomfrey, equally puzzled.

"He is returning to the staff," confirmed Dumbledore. "He's returning as Potions Master."

"What?!" exclaimed the Mediwitch.

"Hmm," said McGonagall thoughtfully. "Horace will be happy."

"Yes, he will," said the headmaster, beaming.

"May I ask why?" said Pomfrey, still bewildered.

The younger wizard did not feel like repeating what he had said earlier, so he turned to Dumbledore, who immediately understood. "Severus feels that his year in the Defense Against the Dark Arts post has fulfilled his desires for the time being. He finds more joy in the…what was it? The calming sound of a simmering brew?"

"Correct," said Snape.

"What in Merlin's name does that mean?" asked the Deputy Headmistress.

"I have not a clue," replied the headmaster, "but I am told that it is something that wand-wavers like ourselves can hardly fathom."

"Well, whatever that means," said McGonagall, "at least you know that you have a highly capable brewer to keep the shelves in the hospital wing stocked."

"Oh, yes, that will be a relief," said the Mediwitch. "Merlin knows that Horace does a good job of it, but I find that Severus' potions were always a bit more effective."

"Quite right," agreed Dumbledore. "Now then, I have several candidates in mind for Muggle Studies, but I am at a loss for Defense—"

"Just as long as it's not another Lockhart."

"My dear Minerva, while I do admit that Gilderoy was probably not the best person for the job—"

"He was a complete _dunderhead_, Albus!"

"I didn't have much choice, Poppy; the job was not very popular at the time."

"But surely you had other options?"

"None which I would have dared to take—"

Everyone in the room pretended not to notice the faint blush that had crept up the younger wizard's cheeks, for which he was extremely grateful. They carried on the conversation without missing a beat, but he saw their eyes connect for a moment. He usually would have glared at them all, but he was decidedly all right with their reactions. When he felt the temperature in his face return to normal, he decided to speak up. "May I offer a suggestion?"

The headmaster, who was just about to defend himself from another onslaught of criticism from McGonagall and Pomfrey, paused and turned his head. "Of course."

"Perhaps," began Snape, "and I cannot believe that these words are coming out of my mouth, but perhaps you should consider…." He paused and sighed before continuing. "Lupin."

"Ah," said Dumbledore thoughtfully, as if the younger wizard had said something utterly innovative.

"Are you quite sure you're all right?" asked the Deputy Headmistress at once. The Mediwitch giggled.

Snape smirked. "No, but out of all of Albus' recent selections for the Defense post, Lupin has been the least disastrous."

"I was always under the impression that you didn't like Remus," said Pomfrey.

"I don't like him," said the younger wizard immediately. "But I don't really hate him either."

"My, aren't we being mature?" said McGonagall. "Putting aside our differences."

"I am 38 already, I hope I would be mature," Snape shot back.

"Not even to a wizard's prime yet, my boy," chimed in Dumbledore. "I'm glad that the staffing situation turned out rather well. This is the easiest it's been in nearly a decade."

"You still have to ask him first," reminded the younger wizard. "Him and Slughorn."

"Oh, I don't think we have to worry about Horace," said the Deputy Headmistress. "He'll gladly let you take the job off his hands."

"Yes, but Lupin has a son now," he shot back.

"That shouldn't be a problem," said the Mediwitch. "It's not like he won't be able to visit them. Or they can come to the castle."

Snape held up his hands in surrender. "All right. Since you are all superbly confident, you may as well tell them straight away."

"I'll write them later tonight," said the headmaster.

"Albus," said McGonagall, "the term is starting soon. Perhaps earlier notification would be best."

"Every second you wait, you're denying Horace retirement," said Pomfrey. "You could simply Floo them first and send the official letter later."

"I would need a fireplace—" started Dumbledore.

"That is a fireplace," cut in the younger wizard, pointing to the hearth.

"—That is connected to the Floo Network," he finished.

"And that is a fireplace that is connected to the Floo Network," said Snape. "I have yet to use it, but I do know for a fact that it is connected."

"There you have it, Albus," said the Deputy Headmistress. "No use waiting."

"As long as Severus is fine with me inviting Filius and Pomona," he replied, looking at the younger wizard.

"Of course, but why?"

"I've recently taken to conferring with the Heads of House about new appointments," said the headmaster.

"Since when?"

"About two years ago," cut in McGonagall. "The first time was before your appointment to Defense Against the Dark Arts, so naturally we could not have you vote on your own appointment. And all subsequent incidences were after you had left."

"I see," said Snape thoughtfully. "Well, on with it, Albus. The Floo powder is in that box."

_In all my recent years at Hogwarts, _thought Dumbledore, _I have never seen such a proactive Severus. _He reached for the box above the fireplace, opened it, and took out what would be the first pinch of Floo powder for that evening. "You're quite sure about all this, Severus?" he asked, his hand hovering in front of the fireplace.

"Do it before I change my mind," replied Snape, but he looked confident in his decision.

Smiling, the headmaster threw the Floo powder into the fire. It blazed green. "Horace, might I have a word with you?"

After a few moments, the fire began spinning until the round figure of Horace Slughorn nearly toppled out of the grate. "Terribly sorry, Albus, I was just finishing—this isn't your office."

"Indeed, it is not," he replied with his eyes twinkling. "This is Hagrid's—or should I say, Severus'—cabin."

"Severus?!" exclaimed Slughorn, looking around for the man in question. When he spotted him at the table, he smiled warmly. "So this is where you've been, my boy! I hope you are recovering?"

The younger wizard noted that his former Head of House had said "recovering" instead of "doing well." _He has become quite perceptive in recent years._ "As best as can be expected."

"That's good to hear," he replied with a smile. His response sounded genuine.

"Horace," cut in Dumbledore, hoping to get to the matter at hand, "we were just discussing Severus' future plans, and he has decided to rejoin the staff."

"That's wonderful!" replied Slughorn. "That only leaves Muggle Studies. Have you talked with Alberta yet?"

"Yes, and she seems very interested—"

"Why does everyone think that I still want to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts?" cut in Snape.

The Mediwitch tried to contain her laughter. "You're an excellent actor."

"And there are about sixteen applications in the headmaster's office that suggest it," added the Deputy Headmistress quite seriously, but a smile was beginning to creep up her face.

"What did you have in mind, then, if not Defense?" asked Slughorn, a bit confused.

"If," began the younger wizard slowly, "you are still interesting in returning to retirement, I was considering resuming the Potions Master's post."

Everyone was silent. The only noise was the soft crackling of the fire. Slughorn stared at Snape with a blank look on his face for a moment, repeatedly blinking. Quite suddenly, he rushed forward. "Oh, Severus, I'm delighted to hear that, simply delighted!" he exclaimed, taking the younger wizard by the hand and shaking it vigorously. "You don't know just how happy this makes me!"

Snape looked as if he wanted to swat the man away, but he simply chuckled and gently pried the other wizard's hands from his own. He took a deep breath. "I am glad."

Slughorn suddenly had a bright look in his eye. "Why am I just standing around? I should be packing!" He turned to the table and reached for the box of Floo Powder.

"Surely there's no rush, Horace?" asked Dumbledore.

"You don't understand, Headmaster. There is a Potions Masters' Convention during the start of term that I have been _dying_ to attend. And I wanted to visit my sister. I was going to beg for you to let me go, but if Severus is interested in taking my position, I can confidently leave everything in his capable hands. I will, of course," continued Slughorn in Snape's direction, "be sending you proper congratulations very soon."

McGonagall also made an attempt to delay his departure, but the smile on her face showed that she was not putting forth much effort. "But we're about to have a Head of Houses meeting to consider the candidates for the other teaching posts."

"Severus was probably a better Head of House than I ever was," he replied with one foot in the fireplace. "I leave it to you, my boy." And with that, he was gone.

"That went well," said Pomfrey, clearly amused.

"Indeed," agreed the headmaster. "Shall we continue on, or was that enough excitement for one night?" he asked, turning to the younger wizard.

"Just get on with it," he replied.

Dumbledore threw another pinch of Floo Powder into the fire. "Filius? Pomona? We would like to discuss this term's teaching staff, so please join us, if you would."

After a few seconds and a flurry of spinning fire, the Heads of Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff were standing before them. "Hagrid's cabin?" said Sprout. "An interesting meeting place."

"Do have a seat, you two," said the headmaster, conjuring two more chairs. "First off, Severus has agreed to rejoin us."

"How fortunate," said Flitwick with a smile as he sat down. His face was barely visible above the table. "I assume you've taken over all of Horace's duties?"

"It does appear that way," said Snape.

"So, Muggle Studies and Defense, then, Albus?" said the Charms professor.

"Correct," he replied, beaming.

"You didn't take Defense, Severus?" asked Sprout.

"Of course he didn't," said Flitwick. "He just said that he is taking up Horace's duties. His presence here indicates that he is now Head of Slytherin house. If that is the case, then Horace is returning to retirement. And, if I may say, Severus, I always thought you looked a bit miserable when you were teaching Defense. Of course, that wasn't a particularly great year, but you seemed happier when you were in Potions."

"You think too much," said the Herbology professor.

"And you don't," he retorted, accepting the teacup that the Deputy Headmistress offered him.

"If we might get back to the matter at hand," said Dumbledore. "As Filius has said, we are still looking for teachers for Muggle Studies and Defense Against the Dark Arts. I have already interviewed a number of candidates for Muggle Studies, and I believe Alberta Windershaw will be able to fill the position quite nicely."

"Wasn't she in your house, Filius?" asked McGonagall.

"Yes," he replied. "A very brilliant Muggle-born witch."

"She was a wonderful student," commented Sprout.

"Excellent," said the headmaster. "What do you think, Severus?"

The younger wizard was silent for a while. "I have never met her, so I have nothing to go by," he said slowly. "But the rest of you seem confident enough in her ability, so I suppose I will vote 'yes.'"

"So we have our Muggle Studies teacher," concluded Dumbledore.

"And Defense?" asked the Charms teacher.

"Severus mentioned Remus Lupin," said the Deputy Headmistress.

"What? Are you sure you're quite well?" asked the clearly surprised Herbology professor.

Snape looked like he wanted to hit her on the head. "Quite sure. I merely suggested Lupin because he was the best out of Albus' recent selections, although that's not saying much."

"Severus is right, Albus," said Flitwick. "The past few have been _awful._"

"I know, I know," replied the headmaster, leaning his head against his hand. "You have to keep in mind how difficult it is to fill a cursed position."

"Even so—"

"And there were times where the decision was out of my hands. I will take the blame for hiring Gilderoy Lockhart, but there's no way in Merlin's name I am taking credit for Dolores Umbridge!"

"Calm down, Albus," said McGonagall soothingly. "Let's just decide if we all agree on Remus."

"You already have my opinion," said the younger wizard. "Do not make me repeat myself."

"I would love to have Remus back," commented Sprout. "He's such a dear."

"I approve," added the Charms teacher.

"As do I," said the Deputy Headmistress.

"Very well," said Dumbledore, taking another pinch of Floo powder and throwing it into the fire. "Let's all hope this call will finish off our staffing problems for this year. Remus Lupin, Mangotsfield, Greater Bristol." With that, he stuck his head into the fire.

On the other end, a sandy-haired man was holding a baby with electric blue fringe. The infant was making gurgling sounds at a woman with pink hair, who had changed her nose to look like a pig's snout. When the fireplace blazed green, all but the baby turned their head. "Professor Dumbledore!" exclaimed Tonks.

"Please, Nymphadora, call me Albus. I'm hardly your professor."

"Only if you stop calling me 'Nymphadora,'" she countered.

"Is there something wrong?" cut in Lupin, tilting his head in confusion.

"Oh, no," said the headmaster jovially. "I was just wondering if I could borrow you for a minute. I would like to discuss something with you."

The werewolf looked at his wife, who caught a glimpse of the older wizard winking. _He's up to something, _she thought, _but it must be something good._ "Go on then, love," she said, taking little Teddy out of Lupin's arms.

"All right," he said standing up slowly. Dumbledore's head was absent from the fireplace, but the blaze was still green, so he stepped in. "This isn't your office," he commented once on the other side.

"How incredibly astute of you," said Snape, but with far less bite than usual.

"Severus?!" exclaimed the werewolf. "It's been a while."

"Has it?" he asked sarcastically. McGonagall smacked him on the back of the head. "So it has," he corrected himself, slightly disgruntled.

"I'm sure you would like to return home as quickly as possible," said the headmaster, "so I will get to the point. We were just discussing possible candidates for Defense Against the Dark Arts, and Severus suggested that we approach you."

"Keep me out of this," said Snape. "And kindly keep your mouth closed, Lupin."

The werewolf had not realized that his jaw had dropped. "Sorry."

"Please consider it," begged Pomfrey.

"We would love to have you back," added Sprout.

"Hogwarts needs capable teachers now more than ever," said McGonagall.

"We've all unanimously agreed on you," chimed in Flitwick.

"And we will, of course, make accommodations so that you are still able to be with your family," concluded Dumbledore. "You don't have to rush your decision; you can discuss it with your wife."

Lupin was silent for a long time, astounded by the sudden offer. He looked around the room at everyone until his gaze rested on Snape again. "Thank you." At some point, his vision had suddenly become blurry.

Snape noticed the tears forming in the other man's eyes and hoped to avoid an emotional crisis. "Don't take it to heart."

The werewolf chuckled and made a hasty swipe at his eyes. "You're making that a bit difficult."

"No, I am not. Just pretend that I am someone that you do not like very much. Not that you really have to pretend; I am hardly fuzzy or cuddle-worthy."

Everyone laughed. "How can I not feel overwhelmingly grateful to someone who is willing to put in a good word for me," continued Lupin, "especially if it is you?"

"Simple," said Snape, leaning back in his chair. "You keep in mind that this someone is a bloody git on a good day and that he can reduce an entire classroom of seventh years to tears on a particularly bad day. I feel today is an unusually good day. Shall we keep it that way?" he asked, looking around the room.

Lupin and the others could only nod.

A.N. Thank you for taking the time to read; please take a little more time to leave a review!


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: Harry Potter is copyright by J.K. Rowling. I own nothing here but Flinky the house elf.**

_Hey everyone! If this is your first time here…Welcome! If you are a returning guest…Welcome back!_

_First off, a huge apology to you all. I was absolutely astonished to discover that I haven't updated this story since November 19, 2009. __**2009!**__ When did that happen? Of course, I did post a little one-shot, _Happy Christmas, Remus_, last year for 2010, but seriously? __**2009!**__ UNFORGIVEABLE!_

_Anyway, I've somewhat revitalized myself due to the fact that I went to the midnight showing of _Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2. _(Check my profile page for a brief comment about that if you're interested.) And then I went to the next showing at 11:15 am the same day. And I'm planning to go again with some other friends._

_Thank you so much to all that have read and reviewed so far. I am honestly grateful for your support!_

_To clarify any confusion about this chapter, I will remind you that this story is AU. Dumbledore is not gay in this one (sorry, I've always been rather fond of the ADMM ship). He's also not dead. If you have any other questions, feel free to ask._

_I hope you enjoy!_

_saiyanwizardgurl_

Chapter 8: Backslide

A tall stack of unread mail teetered dangerously atop Dumbledore's desk as a gentle summer's breeze floated into his office. The pile of post was comprised of various missives from the Ministry of Magic as the magical government continued to deal with the aftereffects of the war. Several letters were from a few concerned parents worrying about the coming school term that was roughly three weeks away. While the headmaster understood that each new school year occasionally brought anxiety to his charges' guardians—especially those who were sending a child to Hogwarts for the first time—this year had brought a greater number of fears and worries regarding the condition of the school and its staff after the war. His Deputy Headmistress usually took care of these types of matters, but the sheer amount of mail that McGonagall had received recently prevented Dumbledore from passing these letters onto her. After all, she also had to prepare student schedules and classroom agendas. With a sigh, the headmaster shut the window with a small flick of his wand.

Even after going through two-thirds of his mail, the unopened pile was still several feet high. The headmaster removed his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I think I need a break," he said to no one in particular.

"I think you're right," said an amused McGonagall from the doorway. "You look worn out."

"The mail won't answer itself," he said, sitting back and replacing his half-moon spectacles. "At least I've made somewhat of a dent in the post."

"Have you?" asked the Deputy Headmistress. "These towers of parchment and envelopes are still quite tall."

"I've made a dent in the _mail_, Minerva. I was trying not to think about the staff memos and lesson plans that are awaiting my approval." He scratched the back of his neck. "Don't remind me."

A bright red phoenix trilled softly from its perch. "No comments from you, either, Fawkes," he added.

"Not to worry, Albus. You have the better part of the next two weeks to go through it all," McGonagall said cheerfully. "And here's some more," she continued, balancing a heap of parchments on one of the smaller stacks.

"And here I thought I would have more time to visit with Severus," Dumbledore complained. "I don't even have time to spend with _you_, let alone anyone else," he sighed before reaching for her hand and placing a kiss on her knuckles. "Although it might be good that I've been busy; he's had the past two days to himself."

"Two days? I'm quite surprised you haven't broken down the door to his cabin."

"I'm trying to resist the urge, Minerva. Besides, Severus had his lesson plans sent up yesterday, so I'm assuming he's doing all right."

"Oh? Did you get a chance to look over them yet?" she asked, identifying the Potions Master's narrow scrawl and pulling the parchments towards her without knocking over the other mail.

"No, but I am sure they are as impeccable as ever," the headmaster mused.

"Hmm, perhaps you could go through them and then return them in person," suggested McGonagall. "It would give you an excuse to check up on Severus."

"I don't know," replied Dumbledore, uncertain as he rested his head in his right hand. "He might not want company right now. And I still have all this." He gestured to his desk.

"As I mentioned earlier, you have two weeks to plow through this."

"It grows by the day, Minerva—" the headmaster interjected.

"Besides," she cut him off, "you can always send a note asking Severus if you can visit. I'll even write it for you," she continued, finding a blank scrap of parchment and reaching for the headmaster's quill and ink.

Dumbledore chuckled. "What would I do without you, my dear?"

"I don't know, love, but I can venture a guess," she said as she scribbled.

"And what would that be?"

"Perhaps you'd lock yourself in here under a much larger mountain of mail, which might topple over onto you and leave you buried for several days."

"Right," he sighed, leaning back.

"Finished," she announced. "How does this sound? 'Dearest Severus, Albus is dying to see you. He can barely contain his desire to leap out his office window and rush to your side. Would you kindly do us all a great service by spending some time with him? With love, Minerva.'"

"Surely that's not what you wrote?" asked the headmaster.

"Of course not," replied the Deputy Headmistress with a smirk. "I could never bring myself to pen such a colorful description. 'Severus, Albus requests an audience with you. Please confirm your availability at your convenience. Minerva.'"

"Much more like you," sighed Dumbledore, pulling the Potions Master's lesson plans towards him. "Send it with Flinky, if you could?"

"Certainly," she said as said house elf appeared before them. McGonagall smiled. "It looks like she was listening."

"I couldn't help but hear my name," squeaked Flinky softly.

"Of course," said the headmaster gently. The Deputy Headmistress handed the house elf the note. "If you would be so kind as to deliver that to Professor Snape, Flinky? And to bring back his reply if he is so inclined to give one now?"

"Yes, sir," she replied with a bow before disappearing with a _pop._

"How does it look?" asked McGonagall, peering over Dumbledore's shoulder at the Potions Master's lesson plan for the third-years.

"It looks good. _Very_ good," he commented, adjusting his spectacles. "I'd expect nothing less from Severus, of course."

"And it seems that Remus accepted the Defense position without much fuss," she added, spotting lesson plans for Defense Against the Dark Arts.

The headmaster smiled. "It looks like this semester will be a smooth one. As far as I'm concerned, the staff is quite capable. Now if only I could keep up with the mail."

They mused over the lesson plans some more for a few minutes until another _pop_ announced Flinky's return. "Here you are, Headmaster," she said as she passed him the parchment that had been sent over. On the back was a reply in Snape's handwriting. _Minerva, The headmaster is, of course, welcome to visit with me. I appreciate the advanced notice. Severus._

Dumbledore smiled.

"Well, that answers that question," stated McGonagall. "You'd better get going. Unless you've found a flaw in Severus' lesson plans?"

"Not one," said the headmaster as he stood. "Would you care to accompany me?"

"That really does sound lovely," replied the Deputy Headmistress, "but maybe a little later if you're still there. Some of us have loads of paperwork to do."

Dumbledore chuckled. "Of course, my dear."

* * *

The headmaster found himself standing in front of the cabin door within the hour. "Severus?" he called, knocking on the door.

"It's open," came a slightly raspy reply.

The cabin was dimly lit as usual, which made the room pleasingly warm on a typical summer afternoon. _Good, he's keeping warm, _thought Dumbledore happily, recalling the sometimes frigid temperature that characterized the Hogwarts dungeons.

The Potions Master was filling two mugs at the stove. "To what do I owe the pleasure of your company?" he asked softly, his voice still hoarse.

The headmaster had to fight to keep his facial expression pleasantly neutral. The other wizard looked just as tired as he had two days earlier, perhaps even more so. The purple shadows under his eyes were still there, and a slight droop in his shoulders was evident. "I have just finished reviewing your lesson plans for this year," he began, procuring said documents from his robes as he sat at the table, "and have determined that they are up to your usual standards of perfection. Minerva agrees."

A small smile crept up onto the younger wizard's face. "Thank you," he said softly, joining the other wizard at the table and accepting the parchments, "but I'm sure that's not the only reason you've come."

Dumbledore sighed and swirled the contents of his mug. "Alas, I've been discovered. I simply wanted a break from the inundation of mail and paperwork that characterizes the weeks before the start of term. Minerva suggested I visit before I'm unable to resist breaking down your door."

"Ah, yes," said the Potions Master with a smirk, "I was wondering how you managed to stay away for an entire two days seeing you have the average excitement level of a bright-eyed schoolboy."

"And you have the average excitement level of a barmy old codger," the headmaster replied, his eyes twinkling.

"Maybe a grumpy old codger," he retorted, "but if I remember correctly, you're the only one here who's barmy, old man." They both chuckled for a bit until Snape tried to conceal a yawn behind his hand.

"Tired?" asked Dumbledore gently.

"Mmm," replied the younger wizard with a shrug. "I haven't been sleeping very well."

The headmaster tilted his head against the back of his chair. "Is that so?"

"I'm tired enough," the Potions Master began, "and I do retire at a reasonable hour now. But my dreams aren't always…pleasant."

"Nightmares?" asked the older wizard, eyeing the other carefully.

Snape sighed and placed his head in his left hand. "Yes."

"You know," Dumbledore said innocently, if you want, I could guard your sleep. Like before."

The Potions Master shifted his gaze to the wizard next to him. On one hand, he absolutely hated reliance on anything or anyone besides himself. His independent nature immediately triggered a negative response. On the other hand, his subconscious screamed for the love and affection that he had seldom received during his childhood and teenage years. For Snape, the headmaster had embodied the only kindness and caring he had ever received, both grudgingly and willingly. And he certainly knew that Dumbledore was more than capable of helping him.

In the end, independence and maturity won. _I'm thirty-eight years old, for Merlin's sake! _"I will let you know if I require your assistance," he said. "Thank you for the offer."

_I will let you know_. It was clear that although the offer would be considered, the Potions Master still wanted the power of final decision. The headmaster was too grateful that the other wizard had not downright rejected the idea to argue. "Of course, my boy," he said cheerfully.

They talked for the next hour about various things: the staff, international Quidditch standings, the front page of the previous day's _Prophet_. Dumbledore was in the middle of revealing the latest Ministry regulation regarding international Wizarding law enforcement policies when he realized that Snape was beginning to nod off. As inconspicuously as he could—which was _very _inconspicuously—the headmaster muttered a Sleeping Charm, which gently pushed the other wizard into slumber. After he was sure that the Potions Master would not wake anytime soon, he levitated him over to the bed and tucked him in. _Severus is going to be furious when he wakes,_ thought Dumbledore, his eyes twinkling.

The headmaster decided to wake the other wizard in a few hours when dinner rolled around. In the meantime, he settled on the couch with a book he had recently been reading about advanced human Transfiguration. He made it through several chapters before he realized that he was getting sleepy. If the slight droop of his eyelids was not an indicator, the fact that he had read the same paragraph four times was. He shut the book and took off his glasses to rub his eyes. "Perhaps I'll just rest my eyes for a few minutes," he murmured to himself.

* * *

Dumbledore woke to the sound of frantic rustling. It took the headmaster several moments to figure out where he was. For one, it was rather dark. Secondly, his half-moon spectacles were askew. He waved his hand toward the glowing embers in front of him and they sprang to life once more. Dumbledore looked over his shoulder. The Potions Master was breathing heavily and tossing violently in a myriad of bed sheets.

The headmaster scrambled from his place on the sofa to the other wizard's side. He hesitated, not wanting to frighten the already distraught wizard, before placing a hand on a trembling shoulder. "Severus?" he inquired softly.

Wrong move. Snape's panic intensified as he pushed the hand away. He curled in on himself and tried to escape from Dumbledore's reach, lashing out in self-defense. "No," he whimpered. "No! Please…my lord, I have…I have been faithful!" The older wizard had to dodge several arms but was unfortunately hit in the jaw. Rubbing his chin, he tried again to untangle Snape from the sheets. "Severus!" Another flurry of arms. Somehow, the headmaster managed to grab him by the shoulders. "Severus!" he said loudly. "He's not here! He cannot hurt you!"

That triggered something, and Snape's eyes snapped open. He inhaled gulps of air as he panted and shook. The Potions Master's eyes were glazed over. It took him a few moments to recognize Dumbledore, who removed his hands as soon as he saw the black orbs register his presence. "Merlin, Albus," he whispered, palming his eyes, "I'm so sorry." He curled on his side, his back to the headmaster.

"What happened?" asked the older wizard, placing a gentle hand on a trembling shoulder.

Snape swallowed hard. "I was back at the Dark Lord's mansion, in a meeting with the inner circle. Something must have gone wrong. As you know, the Dark Lord enjoys using the Cruciatus Curse for sport. He gets a thrill when his victims fight against the pain."

Dumbledore knew from past events that Severus was one of those wizards that Voldemort relished in tormenting. "And he was torturing you?"

The Potions Master nodded, taking several more deep breaths. "I must have been one of the first ones. Or maybe it was just me and I had done something to displease him." He paused, a look of pure agony beginning to creep up on his face. The headmaster ran his hand up and down the tense arm in an offering of comfort and was relieve that Snape did not push him away. "She was there, too."

Dumbledore stayed his hand. "Who was there?" he asked.

Snape did not answer directly. "Recently, I've been seeing _her._ I haven't dreamed about her for years. And every time, she either hates me or she's…."

_Ah, of course. Lily._ "She couldn't have been there, Severus."

"I know!" the Potions Master shouted back. "I know," he said again. He sounded close to crying. "So why is she showing up now?"

"You have many memories of her," Dumbledore supplied as his hand began its gentle soothing once more. "She was a significant person in your life. There's nothing wrong with loving someone like that."

"I've never had that right," Snape argued bitterly. "Even from the beginning."

"Severus, you were her dearest friend. She did love you," he tried to convince the younger wizard. In fact, Lily Potter had confided in him many years ago before her untimely death that she had considered Snape to be her dearest friend, even after everything that had happened between them. He had never revealed this to the Potions Master, however, because he knew the younger wizard at the time would have thought he was being kind out of pity.

"Not the same way I loved her." Tears were definitely pouring out of his eyes now.

"I know, child," said Dumbledore sadly. "And I know that hurts you deeply. Come here," he said, holding his arms open.

Snape was too shaken to move much, but he did roll over and curl in towards the other wizard's knee. With a small sigh, the headmaster leaned forward and scooped him up into his arms. A shiver ran through his body at how cold the younger wizard was, so he carried him over to the couch in front of the flickering fire. The unraveled blanket floated over both of them. "Let me guard your sleep for tonight, Severus," said Dumbledore as he propped the younger wizard's head against his shoulder.

Snape leaned into the crook of the headmaster's neck. "What about Minerva?" he sniffled.

"I'm sure she would understand," the older wizard soothed. "For all I know, she might make her way over soon."

Dumbledore felt him nod against his collarbone. "Fine," he murmured, "but only as repayment for that little stunt you pulled at the table. I'm still mad at you for putting me to sleep."

The headmaster smiled and ran a hand over the younger wizard's hair. "I'm sorry, Severus. But you looked so tired."

"Don't give me that," he slurred slightly as sleep began to overtake him once more. "How do you expect me to stay awake when you talk about things like Ministry regulations?"

* * *

_Thank you for reading! Please review!_


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